Sunday, 20 September 2009

I Don't *Do* Cows

My crazy Maw has decided that *we* need a goal. Something to work towards, bit of a challenge and all that. After her last bright idea that saw us yomping down the WHW the wrong way and costing us a bloody fortune in fundraising I have to admit I was a little nervous. So while she muses over what torture filled event she’ll sign us up for we decided on a wee trot out today.

It was such a gorgeous day. One for brunch in the garden, leafing through the Sunday papers and a lazy day of chatter with a loved one. As mine is at work 400 miles away running on the River Ayr it is. My Bro was gonna join us but the poor lamb is ‘on the nightshift’.

We planned to access RAW from a farm to the East of Sorn. Dino and I noticed it last week as we rallied up and down the road. We parked the car and got kitted up. No packed lunch, just bananas, jelly babies and Maximuscle diluted correctly.
There was a half-mile walk to reach the route so we headed off through the farm.
We reached a kissing gate with a sign that announced ‘Bull in Field’ now I don’t *DO* cows but we carried on regardless. We’ll be fine, just follow the track and then we’ll be on the way.
Uh oh!,not so. We found our selves knee deep in cow shit having a staring contest with one massive lump of beef.
I asked; do you think we can get form this gate to that one before he can get to us?
I don’t care, lets get the flock out of here came the reply. Seems that Maw doesn’t do cows either.
All the while the farmer is scooting round the field on his quad. I bet he was pissin himself laughing at the nick of two burds dressed in luminous running gear bricking it over a few coos.

We finally got underway and had a very pleasant 13.5-mile jolly on the route and finished up in Mauchline. I managed to convince my Bro that while he IS a hero and a lifesaver (that’s what he tells his kids, he’s a paramedic really) he would be my hero if he’d pick us up. I’ve got this thing about running back the way you came. It was right about now our Maw announced that WE were entering a relay and he was one of the four and that the 3rd leg had his name written all over it. Control freak my Maw? I wonder where I get it from :-)

Tiaraidh an dràsda

Mrs Mac x

Friday, 18 September 2009

Cairn Table

Should really be going to bed. I have a new race to marshall tomorrow.
Strathaven Striders are having their first club Hill Run the morra.
Bill Ion has done a grand job at producing maps and setting out a number of routes to choose from. Hopefully the weather will stay kind and make for a good day. Cairn Table here I come.
Short notice but click here for more info.

I'll need to wait till Sunday to set my longish outing squared away.
Back to Ayrshire for the 7th time in 9 days!!!.... whats that all about?
Plan to run out from Sorn for a bit. I'll try and not take the detour that the Pirate took last week ;-)

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that I hangout with some crazy people that do crazy things. I have a mate though who got on my case big style when I started running reckoned I should stick to Karate as running is bad for the knees?!? Anyway, I think there is scope for him to cross over into the darkside yet. He took a challenge to compete in a white collar boxing event a couple of years ago having never boxed in his life. Looks like running aint so bad after all.

Mrs Mac x

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Don't Mock The Afflicted

Its true, I knew it would happen eventually. DQ said there was no escaping it. It’s catching.
I have a gay knee!!

I dropped my other half off at Prestwick airport last night and rather than go home to an empty house I decided a run on the beach was the order of the day. We arrived in plenty of time, as it was possible there may be some bag searching to be done. And done it was. The Pirate has highlighted himself to Glasgow’s finest boys in blue by attempting to bring ammo north of the border on his journey here. Discussions regarding the nature of his business and whether he was in the army were had. He must have satisfied the duty polis that he was as much a threat to national security as I am to Lucy’s WHWR record.

It had been such a lovely late summers day and developed in a perfect evening for running. The beach was quiet, very few people around and even fewer dogs to get in my way. Now I’m a dog lover, don’t get me wrong. But when Rover decides to smash full pelt into your legs as you’re casually bumbling along it can get messy.
My third run in five days, uh oh I’m in danger of becoming a serial runner here, may be even accused of doing some training. I ran with the Pirate for a bit on RAW at the weekend, and then my Maw and I had a trot round the town on Monday. I noticed my knee was a bit stingy after my last effort, but was none too worried about it. As I skiddled about on the beach it became a bit of a nuisance. Pain was alleviated by running with my foot turned in, or out or by running backwards. As they say in these parts I must have looked like a right ‘warrmer’. Glad it was getting dark.
I watched the Pirates plane take off and headed home.

In other news my first-born son and heir and all round lanky big dreip has announced that he is joining the army. WTF!!! Where did that come from? Well I have an idea. The Lanky one is not known for his enthusiasm for school and I have been on his case to pull his finger out and get some bloody work done. This was met by a derisory grunt, mump and moan. He reckons I’ll stomp about and give him allsorts. Well no, I’ve called his bluff and told him I’ll support him as long as he works hard at school.
What Mother would be happy to see her son willingly sign up to being sent off to some god-forsaken country to offer himself up as cannon fodder in a war that he knows nothing about? Next stop Hamilton Army careers office. If he’s serious he needs all the facts and gory details. I asked him tonight how he’ll cope with being shouted at and ordered to clean up after himself – they don’t do that in basic training Mum, was his reply. So naive, so much to learn.

On a brighter note. I had a bit of a laugh today. Joe Calzaghe, built like a brick shit hoose boxing extraordinaire and all round handsome dude is taking part in this seasons dancing strictly with a broom up yer arse and glitter in yer hair show. Imagine hearing on the news this morning that he might miss the first show coz he’s fractured an eyelash or summit. This man is Britain’s only undefeated world champion boxer and he gets laid on his arse with a bit of sequence dancing, pure quality!!


Mrs Mac x

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Write Up Re RAW 2009

Slightly different preparation for this years RAW. The Pirate demonstrated that he does in fact possess will power and restricted his intake of dark coloured liquid with a white foamy head to only three pints. Early to bed and up bright and breezy to pickup Rosie Bell and Irene Wilson.

Arrived in Glenbuck in plenty of time. Greeted by the sight of half a dozen blokes lined up indulging in some synchronised wee weeing. What a sight. Met many family members and soaked up the atmosphere. Good to see the Downies, with wee dug. Stan ‘the nicest man in the world’ Bland. Davie and Sharon, bouncy and smiley as ever. Notable for their absence was the WHWR Royal family, the Queen and the Princess. Talk of being stuck behind horse boxes etc didn’t wash as we all know it was down to forgetting his makeup case and the light not being flattering enough ;-)

I am delighted to announce that Louise, the race director, has graduated from a folded bit of paper in her back pocket to a real live clipboard. East Ayrshire Leisure are safe in the knowledge that any thing is possible when you give a lassie a clipboard. Although she had a wee problem with a few walkers missing a checkpoint and eventually being located in a pub. I think the Pirate may have influenced this misdemeanour.

Tea was taken at Kames, even a bottle of WKD was procured, eventually. These new licensing laws have really dented Stans habit for alchopops at 9.34am.
A loose plan of where to offer support was made and subsequently lobbed out the window. The princess and I made the fatal error of following the Race Director without actually knowing where she was headed. An unscheduled visit to Cumnock meant we had to take a rather long detour to make the first checkpoint…… we failed! Well we did meet Irene and Rosie but they weren’t our intended victims.

Roared off down the country lanes of East Ayrshire to reach the village of Sorn. Drama Queen was first to arrive, none to happy that the Princess had nipped of to the ladies room and was not on hand to tend to his every whim. A theme that was to be developed throughout the race. The Pirate was fed and watered and sent off on his merry way. Next stop Failford. A village wae a pub that offers great beer. A light lunch and a half pint of something tasty was panned, but thwarted. Dino the Princess advised there had been a major accident and the road was closed. I was hoping to run for a bit from here, so when I arrived and Big Davie the Polis offered to park my car I jumped at the chance. Quickly got changed and trotted off with the Pirate for a bit. Was really enjoying it, even thinking about carrying on til the end when I remembered I had Davie Bells car key. I had to abandon himself and head back. Being met by the Big Glesga Polis was magic. A big mooth fae a watter and I was gibbering like a budgie.
My next stop was Tarholm Bridge, this bridge hold a very special place in my heart. I planned to meet the Pirate there and was hoping to run with him again for a while.

Got a call form Davie Bell to say he'd pulled out at Stair and could I pick him up. Eeeek, I really wanted to be there as the Pirate arrived. Jumped in the motor and satnaved my destination and raced there and back in double quick time. God love my Maw and Da, they had driven down to see how it was all going, I gave my Maw my keys and sent her off to the finish with my car. Pirate boy and I ran the last section together. Not much chatter but it was nice. It was as we approached the last stretch when Mrs Mac came to the rescue. I’m not known for my map reading or navigational skills, especially if being driven at break neck speed. but put me on a long distance track moving at a more leisurely pace and I'm dynamite. Picture the scene-

We just go over this bridge and follow the river for a bit.

Ok, that sounds grand.

Right this way, follow me.

Eh, Dave this is a source to sea route.

Yes, I know.

Then shouldn’t we be following the flow of the water?

Mmmmmmm oh yeah, maybe your right (with a hint of I think your talking shite)

Oh look, there’s a RAW post pointing this way…..

And this guy used to drive tanks for a living. God help us all ;-)

So it’s all over for another year. More than a dozen of us stayed for some dinner and a few drinks. Nice end to a great day. Didn’t get chatted up by a one armed man this year but no too disappointed. Met up with the Royal couple on Sunday for a walk on the beach and an afternoon in a beer garden. I could get used to this.

I’d put this event on your things to have a go at. It’s a lovely event with good organisation and great banter. Go on, you know you want to.

Mrs Mac x

Friday, 11 September 2009

RAW 2009- pre match report

It’s the back of three in the afternoon. I’m at my desk at work. The Pirate has been collected from Glesga Toon and deposited at my gaff to ‘write a report’ aye right, like that’s gonna happen.
When I left to return to work you could almost see the giant ZZZzzzzzz emanating from his body. Well it’s been a long journey for the boy and he’s got a big race tomorrow.

I have had the pleasure of organising a wee soirée for after the River Ayr Way challenge tomorrow. Shame that a few familiar faces will be absent but looking forward to catching up with a fair few family members. Not sure what the race organisers will make of us all. I hope their illusions aren’t shattered when they discover that ultra runners can fair put the drink away and eat like its going out of fashion. Should be a giggle. And the weather wow what a change. The ground should still be soft underfoot, but the flood waters should have abated.

I have heard a quite a lot of ‘I’ve not done much’ or ‘I’m just taking it easy’ but the best I heard was a conversation between Rosie Bell and Irene Wilson.

Rosie, do you fancy a girls day out?

Eh, ok. What do you have in mind Irene?

Well how about doing 44 miles, nice and easy. We’ll take a packed lunch!!

Yep, I’m up for that. Is there a blue WKD in it for me?

Of course Lee’s doing back up. We can stop for wine anytime you like :-)

Pretty much the theme for the day.
A bunch of mates out of a wee run together. I’m really looking forward to it. Dino and I have the support cars sussed out. Better than last year at any rate.

See you tomorrow if you’re around. If not stand by for a report on the lassie with a folded bit of paper in her back pocket and a wummin wi chains roon her neck.

Mrs Mac x

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Not So Good With 3

This is the post that should have appeared two days ago.

Its been a weekend of firsts for me.
My first ever vineyard visit. My first ever Lego house visit. My first ever attempt you use mobile broadband. And my first ever KFC!!!

I say attempt, as this was not entirely a successful exercise. It was sold to me as a super dooper wee gadgety gizmo type thingumyjig that would work ‘perfectly well’ on the Virgin pendelino for our journey South. A very frustrating four and a half hours later and I was ready for lobbing the blasted thing out the dammed window. I’m on the journey back to Gods country and I’m ready for a repeat performance. This is one gadget that does not do what it says on the tin. I think I may be off to visit a well known chain of computer store tomorrow.

I’m glad to say the visit to KFC was a greater success. The Pirate decided that the time had come for me to sample the delicacy that rendered him incapable of completing the WHWR 2008. I must admit I had a brief thought of why he was so keen to expose me to such potentially lethal chicken based fast food. I have read stories of blokes bumping of their loved ones in strange circumstances. But KFC, Surely not?

For lunch I dined on a boneless banquet with a side order of corn. I'm such a newbie I had no idea what to order and left it to the far more experienced KFC connoisseur Mr Subversive Pirate himself to choose for me. I am pleased to report this was an excellent choice. the chicken was succulent and tasty. the fries were crisp and by no means limp like other fast food outlets. And the corn was some of the best I've tasted anywhere. Sweet, juicy nibblets of golden loveliness.
If i were to develop a taste for fast food, then this would be it. How glad am I that there aint one to be had in a ten mile radius of Sunny Strathaven.

My tentative return to running is still tentative. I managed three wee runs as per Tomo’s prescription. The long one alas fell foul to my regular visit to Englandshire and a date with four weans and a Harry Potter movie. Cracking film, defo recommend it if you’ve not seen it. It was SO good I managed to stay awake through the WHOLE thing, and its more than two and a half hours long!!
So, undeterred I will crack on with the plan. Three wee runs followed by one longer one. I plan to go for broke next weekend and aim for 6 or 7 on the RAW on Saturday. My delusions of grandeur have faded fast and reality has hit home. A wee trot on an important day followed by some dinner and a wee drinky sounds much more achievable.

On another note. My friend, fellow serial marshal and wag Princess Geraldinio sent me an interesting item by email today. I think it is highly likely I may invest in one before our next big event. Check it out here.

So as I travel north on a train full of women drinking red wine and eating platters of St Michael sandwiches spare a thought for me and my quest for uninterrupted internet connection. Any thing is possible.

Mrs Mac x

So, it all becomes clear, cryptic non existent blog posts etc. I should add that as I tried to save this bloomin post on the weans new fanggled wee laptop me-doofer it wouldn't cut and paste in to blogger. When i managed to retype the WHOLE thing on my laptop it decided to reboot and I lost the lot!! I am a Luddite.
it took a step for a hint from the bloody Pirate to get me going. I'll never live it down.

I was thinking. I wonder how many folk know exactly why he's called the Pirate? mmmm I wonder?

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Maximuscle Overdose

I know I know it sounds a bit dramatic given that tonight was only my second run in about two weeks.
I did what I said I’d do. I knew if I said it publicly then some one somewhere would pull me up on it. Debs MC, you the man!!

Monday night I forced my self out the door. That was after forcing my self into my running breichs. I know they have Lycra, but there is only SO much give. Months of living it up Pirate style without the metabolism of a Pirate has taken its toll. I’m back on the light weight Gin and diet lemonade or big girls blouse pink wine at a measly 9.5%.

Once I’d exited the warm cosy house I was met by failing light and dreich drizzly rain. Now I don’t mind running in it, I just hate starting in it. Hey ho, I was out there having a go at that putting-one-foot-in-front-of-another-at-speed thing. Not so much at speed, maybe slightly faster than snails pace. I was trotting along feeling my head clear as I did. I noticed the light was failing really fast now and the route I was on had no street lighting. Not too much of a hassle as I had on the brightest shiniest hi vis I could find. It was proper dark now and the rain was getting progressively heavier. Bullocks were making the strangest mooing noises in the fields as I past. It was then I decided maybe it wasn’t the best idea to run on a country lane in the dark on my own without a mobile. I was starting to have one of those crazy conversations with myself about how there are no murderers in Strathaven, I would be FINE. As I neared the top of the hill approaching Sandford I scared myself witless. Arrrghghg WTF who’s that scary girl staring at me??? I proper crapped it. I don’t know why I didn’t turn on my heels and head for the hills. I kept going, straight towards her, don’t ask, I don’t know why I make myself do these things. She looked like a pretty wee thing but there is something spooky about her face, I’m drawn to her. As I close in I realise my mistake. It aint a creepy Sandford wean, it’s an advert on the side of a phone box, what a tit!! I don’t know what surprised me more; realising what a div I am or that you still get phone boxes in remote parts of South Lanarkshire.

Anyway undeterred I ventured out again this evening. I’m not going mad, again. I’ve picked up on something on Tomo's blog. A programme a mate of his gave him. Summit about 3 short runs a week more that 1 mile less that 3 and a long one more than 6 less than 10. I think it might just be do-able for me. I want to entice my mojo back. Not scare the bloody thing off. It was raining again, it was darker than Monday, but I did it. It’s not big, it’s not pretty. But I’m trying.

I met Mrs Wilson on her was back in with a new member of the club, the rest of the troops hot on her heels. Had a quick blether. Delighted to hear that she and Rosie Bell have entries accepted for RAW. A cracking girls day out is planned.

BTW I really did OD on Maximuscle. First time I tried it, yuck. The Pirate gave me it once when we ran round Richmond Park. I am now the proud owner of my very own tub of the stuff with matching bottle. Given to me by my mate Wole in return for teaching him a new buzzword. So I feel the need to use the stuff. Any way the other day I made it up according to the instructions on the tub. Double yuck!! I force it down, but it’s bloody awful. Later that night I’m feeling a bit sick. Did the same tonight, but read the side of the bottle first. It has different dosage amounts on there. HALF of what’s on the tub. Can you imagine it? Death by Maximuscle. You couldne write it.

Mrs Mac x